Posted by : Vicent Tran Saturday, December 14, 2013

MANILA, Philippines - It's the season of giving.

In this edition of #AskMargie, Dr. Margie Holmes talks about what kind of gift you give to your special someone if you are weeks, months, or years into the relationship.

I wanted to know: What gifts do you give your partner at different stages of a relationship?

Desiree Sison shares: I'm not in a relationship but I did some shopping and got something for a dearest confidante. I may not be married but I have a more fulfilling relationship with her that spans more than 10 years and am happy about it.

Dr. Holmes: Thanks, Desiree, for bringing that extra something to the question: that one can have a special relationship with someone who's a friend, not a partner.

Edna Aquino: My husband and I are not into this gift-giving practice. But we treat each other when one asks - pag naglalambing. Often these are outside of the traditional special occasions. Because we travel a lot, we're big on pasalubongs. If a relationship is characterized by thoughtfulness, we don't need milestones for gift-giving.

Pee Hsee: For my boxed christmas cards, I wish I can give life extension now that we are facing his cancer. I wish I can make him happy while supply lasts.

Dr. Holmes: We so wish the same thing for your boyfriend, PeeHsee. Thank you for helping us realize, once more, how each moment counts.

Some of you said the kinds of gifts shouldn't correspond with the length of a relationship.

Albert Borromeo Gallao: If you think a "gift" is a gauge to a relationship, you are definitely not ready for one.

Annie Rey: The longer the relationship, the more meaningful the gifts should be. Meaningful does not necessarily mean more expensive. But it is also common sense not to give extravagant gifts at 6 months.

Bert Quibuyen: The kind of gift I give to my wife is not based on how long we've been together but rather based on how she'll like it, usefulness and practicality, aesthetics, cost, occasion, symbolism, etc.

To which Pee Hsee: I wish my estranged husband were like you. He gave me stuff that he himself could use. On our sixth month, he bought a TV, claiming it was his gift to me but I am not a TV freak. For a change daw, fifth year, none.

Romi Baniqued: A friend recommended the book "Love Languages" and it gave the best advice about expressing love. The number of years that you're in a relationship does not matter as much as knowing how your partner loves to be loved. I like handmade gifts and love letters. My husband's love language is service. So benta sa kanya ang home-cooked meals, massage, etc.

Dr. Holmes: Gary Chapman says emotional love best expressed through one of five languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch. All enjoyed to some degree but one is primary, more than others Chapman argues that while each of these languages is enjoyed to some degree by all people, a person will usually speak one primary language and appreciate these sort of gifts.

So Romi gives hubby service
And hopefully he gives her words of affirmation (handmade cards, love letters).
Ako rin-JOY: I love you, Ma'am

For romi and I: it could be words of affirmation, thus: lots of I love you's, I'm so glad we're together, etc.
For others physical touch, a cuddle, a hug,...not necessarily sex, although puede rin.

JOKE - words of affirmation and physical touch

For Tanya Garcia and her partner, quality time is the love language they speak. Tanya says:

Tanya Garcia: For long distance relationships, the time we're physically together is the most important. Me and my partner love traveling so we save up for a really grand vacation every year.

Carmela Fernando: My husband and I tell each other what we want, to eliminate guesswork and potential disappointment. You can't expect a practical partner to fully enjoy a sentimental but useless trinket and vice-versa. And there are also those who don't enjoy receiving gifts, so you have to respect that. At the same time, if there's something you really want, speak up. To expect your partner to read your mind is unreasonable and unrealistic.

Dr. Holmes: An old saying: it's the thought that counts. I couldn't agree more, as long as the gift giver doesn't forget that, The gift ALSO reflects the thought.


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